A personal perspective 1.

 I thought it might be helpful to write a personal account from time to time. This year, I have taken the decision not to do any formal retreats: normally,  I would be on an intensive retreat now, but decided not to conform.

Sometimes we find ourselves looking for something, and may not know what it is, but we know it’s there. I’ve been full of doubts recently, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I found Dzongsar’s last night video, and it answered all my doubts…funny that! I’m sure we all get this from time to time. We need courage to trust our instincts.

I love listening to the teachings while on retreat, and if the lama is ‘in tune,’ a little magic happens, with inspiration, and an approach to a topic from a slightly different angle. We all get jaded from time to time, and a fresh angle is always beneficial.

What I find very difficult is dealing with the strange western students! They do funny, self-conscious things which seem to be unnatural. Sometimes people are such sticklers for procedure that immediate compassion is totally forgotten.

Sometimes we just have to conform, and allow all those feelings to take place, in order to cut through our personal likes and dislikes, and just be one in a crowd.

However…there are times when we have to dare to take responsibility for our own progress, therefore taking responsibility for other’s well being,  by living the teachings instead of acquiring them.

It’s funny that we need to conform to find a firm foundation, but then drop the conforming to find the ‘magic’ (although I still conform every morning with supplication rituals and practices, to receive blessing, the ‘magic’).

In one’s practice, one sends out light from one’s heart to all the enlightened ones, when then comes back in the form of blessings, which one immediately sends out again to all sentient beings. The light returns from all sentient beings, and one sends it out the enlightened ones again, in a cycle.

Sometimes, this light just goes up in the atmosphere, and sometime it’s as high as a distant galaxy. It also encompasses all demons, which are only our own likes and dislikes to which we cling, but still have compassion for. The essence of all negative emotions is wisdom. It’s true that if we indulge in our hopes and fears, we attract negative energy – rather like gossiping about someone and others come and join in which only makes things worse. One can drop it at any time!