I Am Full Of Doubt

I am full of doubt, and never feel good enough.

That is my mental state, brought about from early life. All the while, perfect consciousness watches on. This conceptual me isn’t what I am; it is just a mental pattern.

Imagine looking through a window with a patterned lace curtain in front of it. The eyes just see, but they see through a mesh of lace, the patterned programme in the mind. That is our usual fixated position for life.

Through the realisation of what we truly are, this pattern changes. It simplifies, but the main obscuration is still present, like a ghost. Until enlightenment, this memory will remain, but it now serves as our path.

Realising this, any lasting feeling is in the subtle body – that gut feeling that cannot be completely explained. This is intuitive clarity, before we identify with our early traumas.

So what is this doubt? When we look at people in robes, we assume that they must be better than us, and have more authority. Not true. It is we who give them the authority, which is a trauma encoded into us in the early years. Uniforms have an unwarranted power – and they’re meant to.

Mentally, take the robes off. Does the person have any power now? How do they sound? Are they just like us – dogmatic? The Buddha didn’t want people to worship him; he advised testing the teaching to see if it works, and realise the power, the authority within. 🙂