Not so much idiot meditation, as stupidity meditation

This has to be looked at very carefully: different traditions approach the Dharma in different ways. The approach in the Kagyu tradition is to ask nicely for the mind to retire, whereas in Nyingma, it is not so nice. Although both may use crazy wisdom, Dzogchen in the Nyingma tradition can apply the shock treatment, which is down to the relationship between teacher and student…or an inspired moment which just happens spontaneously!

On retreat, when I first met my present teacher, it came out – in public – that I had spent 25 years in stupidity meditation (just sitting there). This was due to having practised previously in the Kagyu tradition, where one lets the mind rest, and everything drops away: that which is left is Mahamudra (Mahamudra is essence, and is the same as Rigpa in the Nyingma tradition).

Suffice to say, Kagyu didn’t work for me as I didn’t know what I was looking for…even though I had asked.

Anyway, the shock and anger I felt arising at realising I had spent so much time in “stupidity meditation” (“idiot” meditation was my words) was aimed at the right person at the right time. To ask the question whether one had wasted 25 years and receive the response of a nod and a shrug was a deep shock – to be followed by “Are you OK about this?” to which I replied, “No, I’m bloody angry, but I will do as you say.”

This approach may or may not work, and it may take time for the shock to manifest. This is a very important point, as dualistic fixations have to collapse.

Talking from experience, there can be many such shocks in one’s lifetime – they are devastating, and not fun. Very uncomfortable and painful. Not everyone is ready for such devastation, annihilation, mental collapse! After eleven years with a previous lama, he suddenly kicked me out …crazy wisdom? Or not? After five years with an Bengali guru on a path of total devotion, he kicked my wife and me out…perhaps our faces didn’t fit. After nine years with a fourth way group, they kept threatening to kick me out…oh, hang on…perhaps I’m just really annoying! 🙂

Back to the retreat…after the meeting, people would come up to me and try and smooth my mind. This was very kind – and very annoying – as this was something I had to fully experience, and not to try and conceptualise and justify it. I had to truly realise that time had not been wasted, because its fruition had the effect of grounding me, cutting through all expectations, hopes and fears.

There is no right or wrong here, but only what suits the individual. And I now know when I’m lost in stupidity meditation, and when I’m not.

I called my ‘self’ the idiot.
It’s nice to know!