You can’t please everyone…
…and they can’t please you!
That’s ok.
Rigpa (essence) is dry.
Rigpa expression (essence love) is juicy:
That juice may not be to everyone’s taste.
That’s ok.
Deities have both a peaceful and wrathful aspect:
this is merely different concentrations of love.
That’s ok.
Others may not accept the way we are:
that’s when we need courage of conviction.
That’s ok.
Some conform. Some do not.
We’re not all the same.
That’s ok.
Some cling to convention,
and for others,
the conventional is a means to liberation.
And that’s very…..ok!
BUDDHA IN THE MUD is a blog - a living book based on the Dzogchen teachings. Our teacher is life, and life is karma. We are all Buddhas in the mud of concepts. 
…Groups are not for everyone! 🙂
Hello Tony! And thanks for another helpful piece of writing…you seem have the ability to make things feel less traumatic somehow 😉
At the risk of repeating myself, I have a massive problem with groups (particularly spiritual set ups). For I’ve decades, as part of my journey, I’ve become involved with a few and tried so hard to fit in, do do the right thing, to be a good, supportive, helpful student. But no matter what I did, it felt as if I was an outsider (hang on, maybe I’m just a nasty person LOL). And when the time came to leave that group (and that leaving has not always been voluntary on my part) I’ve found that the friendships I thought had been cemented came to an end immediately. Each time, no one has wanted to know me after I left. And that’s quite an indictment, and it leaves a scar.
So yes, if you are a person who needs to be part of a group, that’s OK.
And if you are a person who needs NOT to be part of a group, that’s OK too. As long as a group is mature enough to accept that you wish to dip in and then step back again, without becoming entangled in the complexity of the group dynamics.
As a high lama once told me, westerners mistakenly believe that the student/teacher relationship is like a marriage, and that it can then end in divorce. What do you think about that? In my experience, it’s groups (and some lamas) that perpetuate that idea.
Thanks for making my day feel lighter and freer!
Daisy
Dear Daisy,
Much empathy coming your way!
We hear many ancient stories about students and their teachers, and they seems very close, such as Milarepa and Marpa. However… teachers of this quality are like ‘fire’ get too close and you get burnt! The student has to be of a standard, that they are ready to be consumed by ‘fire’.
We are not ready for such tough love, so we stay in groups,for comfort and where it’s safe! The Buddha’s teachings, the Dharma, is a complete system and can accommodate everyone. Unfortunately groups are ordinary people, who cannot accommodate everyone.
The response to that, is the real Dharma practice.
Much empathy coming your way,
Tony
Thanks for the reply, Tony. I agree that there is safety in numbers – and that’s OK! By definition, members of a group will cling together (without that, there wouldn’t be a group in the first place) and exclude things that are perceived as a threat to the well being of that group. Perfectly understandable.
But the problem arises when a group offers something that one wishes to partake of – without signing on the dotted line to become a member of that group. It’s perfectly natural for that to give rise to feelings of rejection: “Oh so you think you’re too good for us?” etc when there is no intention to stir up such feelings. It’s like being offered a cheese sandwich by someone, who then takes offence if you politely decline, preferring an egg mayo!
I’m rambling. Suffice to say, from childhood, I have had an aversion to groups (I think I’m a closet passive aggressive personality type!).
Isn’t it amazing how much of our lives are lived under the pressure of others’ expectations and fear of disapproval. Both these are the bedrock of groups.
Wasn’t it CS Lewis who said something about being one’s own inner circle?
Daisy
Dear Daisy,
I understand what you are saying. If we want to learn something we need a teacher, that teacher is maintained by a group, so we have to go to a group. Groups are made up of types, and due to the proportion of types, the group dynamics develops a certain flavour…or smell! 😉
Groups are often self congratulatory and that can be very off putting. Groups offer mutual support.
Some love the group support and some have to love from afar. We are all different.
This is quite a huge complex psychological subject. If one watches a group of Tibetan nuns and monks file into a shrine room, one wouldn’t notice them. Watch a group of westerners file into a shrine room and well, they just don’t walk in!
Some need groups and some do not. We can take what we need, learn, and move on or stay and get involved or take a back seat. ‘Groupies’ like order and ritual, for others this is limiting. There is no right or wrong, we are different. Remember the different yanas…same words different perception!
Some wish to conform, others do not. Conforming helps to give us a basis to work from, but then we adapt to and accept and work with our own temperament.
I like the idea of a blog, people can take what they need and move on…and it costs nothing. Moving on is outgrowing a yana/level and expanding one’s view.
Tony