Loneliness, Competitiveness and Honesty

For sentient beings, friends are not easy to come by. When we say ‘friendship’, this means mind-to-mind unconditional support, and not just acquaintances in our group.

(Friend: ORIGIN Old English frēond, of Germanic origin; related to Dutch vriend and German Freund, from an Indo-European root meaning ‘to love’.)

Friendship is momentary and without expectations.
It is love without clinging or smothering,
allowing space, and room to breathe.

Friendship is totally open,
non competitive and honest.

This is rare but at the same time,
always available
…as long as we accept that it is
without expectations,
non competitive and honest.

(Hmm, I say honest but we have to be skilful in this matter…)

We don’t have to feel lonely, but we do need to understand the psychology of others.

We, as sentient beings, are divided into six realms, or types of beings: Hells beings, Hungry Ghosts, Animals, Humans, Jealous Gods and Gods. These are psychological states; these actually expand into 48,000 types but that’s getting complicated! (search ‘Six Realms’ for more details).

We can easily find those within our realm who support our agenda, but this relationship will not be satisfying because the realm will be too heavy: there will be an element of competitiveness and we find we cannot be honest and so just go along with playing their game, which becomes our game.

People are stuck in a realm; although we all move throughout the realms during a day, there is one that will be dominant). As conscious practitioners, we are aware that we too flit from realm to realm, but our experiences are more fleeting and not so heavy.

If we want to be social human beings, we have to fit into the group. We have to accept the constant games being played with all their samsaric ups and downs. There are times when it’s wise to stay clear, and there are times when we can interact and learn, being aware of our reactions.

What appears – or doesn’t – in our life is due to karma. Karma is controlled by our level of resting in our true nature. There comes a time when we no longer need friends, but we can be a friend to everyone else in that moment, without expectation, not competitive and as honest as they will allow.


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  1. daisymae21 says:

    Hello Tony! I feel one of the hardest things people have to cope with these days is the pressure of “having friends”. Friendship – like so many things in the modern world – has been commandeered by the world of commerce and is seen as a profitable, marketable human condition. In my world – and yes, I’m getting on a bit now! – to use the word “friend” is to imbue an acquaintance with something more, something deeply meaningful. I agree that, if we are open, we can all be a friend to someone in need, momentarily and without expectations.

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