Humanity: Seeking Validation Of A Self
Our greatest problem is that we crave recognition.
People shun or distance themselves from anyone who doesn’t validate their views. We attach our self-esteem directly to our belief systems, and when someone doesn’t endorse our opinions, it can feel like a personal rejection of who we are.
Humans naturally group together based on shared information. Validation acts as a form of social glue – birds of a feather stick together. When it’s missing, relationships fracture as individuals seek out environments where they feel understood and affirmed. We’re wired to be tribal. š
Interacting with opposing viewpoints forces the mind to process conflicting information, and this causes mental discomfort. Shunning is often an easy way to avoid that stress; excluding those who don’t affirm our norms helps to solidify cohesion within a group.
Social media creates a low tolerance for nuance, making political, social, or personal disagreements feel like irreconcilable moral failures. Arrogance and hostility usually hide a deep self-doubt. Many people are easily triggered as they lack the skills to handle negative emotions. Consequently, cutting people off has become a normalised boundary-setting tactic, even for minor differences.
Human psychology is incredibly fragile when it comes to social belonging and self-worth. The brain treats social rejection in the same way as actual physical pain; our discomfort can be extremely subtle, but it’s still felt.
When someone encounters a contradictory view, their nervous system often interprets it as dangerous. Some people seem scary when they appear to be able to see through us, and this triggers a fight-or-flight response, causing us to lash out or shut down completely rather than engage in rational debate.
Ego – which is consciousness clinging to ideas – is the reason why true communication is rare. So what can we do when we’re shunned for seeing things differently? Realise that there is no external approval.
This is the blessing of realisation
– seeing is not believing.
BUDDHA IN THE MUD is a blog - a living book based on the Dzogchen teachings. Our teacher is life, and life is karma. We are all Buddhas in the mud of concepts. 