“Am I Happy?”
As a Dharma student, this blog is an opportunity to share a process; the process of refining experiences. Questions arise during or after meditation that others may also have – “Am I happy?” could one of these.
There is always a philosophical answer – that the “I” can never be happy as the “I” is a mistaken image that essence perceives as real, when essence itself is the reality. Anyone can tell you that! 🙂
But how do I feel? What is this feeling of happiness? This relates to yesterday’s writing – are we gaining something, or is it an absence of something?
“Hmm…I don’t feel happy.” Hmm…wanting to feel happy is gaining something. This is not satisfying, as whatever is gained cannot last. Hmm…this wish to feel happy is just a residue of past expectations.
Happiness cannot be said to exist. Neither can it be said to not exist. All potentials are ‘left on the table’: they are only picked up when necessary, to suit a situation.
I look and see that I am not happy.
I look again and see that I am!
Is this blessings?
Do blessing exist?
Shantideva said, “There are neither blessings, nor blesser, or a being being blessed.”
But, blessing are important.
OH! very ZEN!
Now, the reason for sharing these thoughts…It’s easy to see how confusion develops and everything sounds like gobble-de-gook, to keep us guessing.
If we take pure awareness – which is devoid of an “I” being aware – we cannot say this awareness exists or does not exist as there is, in that moment, literally only pure awareness…no thing else. This pure awareness is the same as that of enlightened masters of the past, and the same can be said for their radiance of love-blessings.
However. We dwell in an illusion: these blessings provide a space to step into, thereby dissolving both the blessings and our ignorance.
Take it from me (poor, ignorant creature that I am) –
you are happy!
You just have to recognise it!