A Very Peculiar Self Doubt

When we have doubt, WE…HAVE…DOUBT. We are not this doubt, because we are aware of this doubt that appears in the mind. Because we have identified with this doubt – which is merely a confused idea in the mind – we will doubt ourselves forever, as it has become a habitual pattern. Such programming has already taken place.

What is doubt? It is lack of certainty. As sentient beings, we are not enlightened because of an uncertainty about our true nature of pure awareness. As a result of this, we have acquired a second nature, a programme. This programme is called karma: it’s the script that drives us, and because this second nature is incomplete, we ‘have doubts’ about it.

In truth, we are perfectly clean beings in a sticky world. My teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche illustrates it like this: when we wear a covering of clothes (our defilements), if things are thrown at us, they stick. If we are naked (without defilements) nothing sticks, as the things thrown at us just fall off.

If I look at myself, I am a worrier and experience self doubt all the time. This is because of many happenings in my early life, and possibly in previous lives. I seem to have been born that way. The doubt arises from not knowing how to relate on a conventional level, fitting in with social assumptions. But all of this is merely an idea that the mind holds about itself. My true nature (pure awareness) is aware of all this, and it is untouched by the doubt. It is disinterested. It doesn’t become hooked.

Real confidence is acknowledging this doubt in the mind. False confidence is a protective covering laid over the raw experience, because of fear. Doubt is just a programme in the system in which we move around. In ‘sci-fi’ terms, we are pure consciousness trapped inside a bio-computer with constricted software – and it just doesn’t feel right. Unfortunately, the world in which we live keeps updating our junk programming! Most believe the programming is real, and so react to it. They get too interested: to use ‘sci-fi’ terms again, they are caught in the illusory matrix.

My self doubt comes from perfection trying to fit into an imperfect world.
Even religion and teachings are not perfect, as they are not the actual experience.

It is the raw experience that is perfect:
it is “Confusion dawning as wisdom.”

Recognising self doubt is therefore important.

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  1. crestedduck says:

    I believe we all experience doubt to one extent or another, every day……..
    I was taught by the Chief Master Sargent and watched as/how he manifested ideas into reality…..
    Dad always said :”right, wrong,or indifferent…you must always make a decision without hesitation and go with it …you can always adjust as you go along ” !

  2. marcel says:

    If we our perfectly pure beings, or basic goodness as Trungpa used to say, why is the world still not pure, good yet? What’s the meaning of the leap of faith in all this? You are speaking a lot of trusting yourself and trusting the now, Why is this so incredible difficult and mindblowing simple at the same time. Overcoming one’s demons? A fight with the man in the mirror? Meeting the devil? Questions and doubts all over the place.. 🙂

  3. tony says:

    Those are the ancient, universal questions 😉

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