Just like you, I’ve spent years searching for the truth: going on retreats, attending teachings in different traditions, reading books, talking to teachers…they were all helpful, but I felt that something was missing.
So I stopped to see what would happen…and that was when the magic started. Theory turned into reality…more or less 🙂 Not enlightenment, but mini-enlightenments – it all became a little brighter. We all have “eureka” moments. I found that I was becoming too reliant on others, and merely following in hope and fear, and I therefore remained ignorant of actuality.
I had to go back to square one, and see how everything really did feel, rather than just repeating spiritual terminology, which actually obscures direct experience: “Where was that damn wisdom?”
The teachings and practices are all wonderful backups, but they are not the real thing. The real thing is in the uncomfortable moment now. In the recognition of obstacles, thoughts, opinions, emotions and behaviour, the wisdom of spontaneous presence is revealed. It’s a sort of teetering between discomfort and comfort – “Not too tight and not too loose.”
Goodness knows why people walk and talk in elaborate holiness. It’s a unnecessary distraction. Essence is ordinary emptiness with nothing added… and it’s bright and full of energy!
When confusion and emotions are clearly seen, pure empty awareness is present. Of course, there is still karma to face at every moment, but that is our precise path. So it’s all good, even though, at times, the thick “mud” seems unbearable.
I sincerely appreciate those who read this blog: like you, I’m searching for the truth in both the spiritual and worldly, and investigating how best to express that to suit this age.
It’s always of value to hear others’ points of view in this age of strife. These help to clarify, and offer a fresh approach to looking at the same thing: beginner mind, Zen mind. We may even find a way to stop wasting time! There are different traditions to suit different temperaments: for example, as a Buddhist, I do not believe in God, but as a Buddhist, I believe in the very nature of God which is pure awareness – the true nature of all sentient beings. Not every Buddhist would agree with this! ;-D
If you have any concerns or questions, feel free to email firstname.lastname@example.org. You will get a reply.